Gone Fishing

So I was trying out a skirt I bought about 2 seasons ago, and it doesn’t fit, I’m too small. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, because the skirt was already a size 2. I don’t know if I should be happy or not. On the one hand, yay for losing weight, on the other…boo, I’m losing my ass. 

Hormones are a very touchy subject within the drag community. To some, it’s the equivalent of steroids and to others, it helps achieve the illusion they’ve always wanted to create. Personally for me, especially now, I’m very indifferent to queens who use hormones. I will admit, very early in my drag career, I used hormones. In fact, the house I was adopted into, supported it; My drag mother is a transexual, I’ve had many sisters actually transition into full time women, and even a couple of my sisters now are on hormones. Now, for me, I wanted my illusion to be very real; I also live in Vegas. Girl, I wasn’t about to pad and perform my ass off in 120 degree weather (with the AC on). Let me tell you though, being Asian I wasn’t really blessed with chest assets, but girl, my ass was junky as hell. I made it clap, I made it jiggle, I twerked that shit.

The hormones, for all it did, served its purpose well. However, my mindset was different back then. To me, the more successful drag queens were the fishy ones, the pretty ones, you know, the more real your illusion was, the more talented you were. Looking back on it now, we all can agree that ain’t true. Now, compared to a few other queens, I’ve only been in the scene for minutes, but after doing it for some time, you evolve (which is also what I love about drag, it’s constantly changing and it evolves with you). I got tired of just being “pretty.” Sure, I was expressing my inner diva, but I felt like she wasn’t being used to her full potential. Sure, hormones removed a few extra steps, but after a while, I felt like it also removed some of the challenge that drag involved. I felt stagnated, I wasn’t using my skills to the best of my ability.  Also, girl, we all know that hormones don’t just affect you physically, but mentally as well. I was an emotional mess and I wasn’t about to have that.

Anyway, I’ve stopped using hormones for a while now, and though I’ve still been taking advantage of its after-effects (Honey, my ass is still huge and I will work it), I feel I can appreciate it in a different light. I’ve gotten out of that mindset of just being pretty, now I can be “ugly-pretty,” as Tyra once put it. There’s more experimentation with my looks, and I think getting off of the ‘mones kicked me out of my safety zone. You know, I’m not gonna have these hips forever, the extra fat in my chest will soon disappear, my face will start to harden, etc, and I could care less. I’ll be 60 years old and absolutely painted to the gods.